When this SHIT hits you with an "episode" !!

[cary]

OK. Nobody is talking about it, but a lot of us are thinking about and/or dealing with it, right?
Sometimes, more than others, this shit can kick a guys ass!
That's what is happening with me lately. I guess I'm being a general asshole and I ain't accomplishing SHIT!
Talked with both my VA shrink and my VA psychologist last week, but I'm calling for another appt soon.
Ain't it weird and scary how this shit gets triggered?

Hope maybe this is a start.

Don't be shy or embarrassed..........we are ALL FUCKED UP !!

[Chris]

Have you been able to try any PTSD or Anger Management Groups? I went to both and with some medication things have gotten lots better than they were.

[cary]

Thanks Chris:
Yes to both. Have been in counseling since May, 2009, both individually with Psychologist and individually with Psychiatrist as well as various group things with Psychologist. Earlier this year, completed a ten week anger mgt course, and it helped...some. Medications began in 2009 and the 2 meds worked pretty well til recently. Psych thinks another med and an increase in a current dosage might help, but with the increased potential side effects, I'm reluctant. I thought I was handling this shit OK by myself for many, many years, but in 2008 Tina and I took a long, hard look at my life and it was very clear that I was NOT handling it. 3 marriages, 2 divorces, lost jobs, various estrangements from family members, then a very, very high dollar bankruptcy and loss of my business in 2008 brought things to a head, I guess.
Of course, the VA saw an opportunity to lay my "problems" on my personal life, especially the business loss; no way was it PTSD-related. Fortunately, my VA Psychologist is GREAT and she has helped me thru 3 claim denials, 2 appeal hearings at the VA RO in Indy until we finally won, albeit a basic win. The VA granted PTSD, but low %. Currently still have 3 claims running thru VA that are PTSD-related, 2 since 2009.
Probably more info than anyone really wants, but maybe I can help others open up.
Thanks for asking.

[Chuck]

It is sometimes amazing how little shit 'trips the trigger'. Like a snowball rolling down hill it builds and builds.

[cary]

Do any of you guys have similar problems?
When there is some event or even a family function, I'm OK with it and most times I even get excited about.
BUT, as the date gets closer, like a week or so away, I start getting anxious.
For the last few days prior, I run all sorts of excuses thru my head........trying to find some "reason" not to go.
The night before is the worst. Usually no sleep at all.
By the time I get there, if I go, I'm exhausted.
But, tho exhausted, I'm still very, very tense, uptight, anxious, critical and generally a pain in the ass to be around.
I can't wait for things to be over and get back home.
Then, I usually feel like a very fucked up, loser, asshole..............that no one wants around.

Sound familiar at all? Hope not, but expect it does. I'd like to know how you guys handle things. I'm not handling things well at all lately.

[Chuck]

Oh yes...all the time. You are not alone.

[Chuck]

My reply to the original was not adequate and done hastily. I should have thought on it and found my words. Is it a form of agoraphobia? It isn't just family situations either. It seems to be anything scheduled and not spontaneous. However, once whatever the event is happening then the 'feeling' seems to subside. Crowds still bother me especially in unfamiliar situations. Queuing up is bothersome as well. I detest standing in line wait until things clear out; i.e. family get-together's where certain people like to hover over the food and take forever to load their plates. (On one occasion I started to get in line and there were those that were already back for seconds. Geesh Porky! Give me a break!!) The sitting with my back in the corner at restaurants and such places is still there. The pensiveness about attending events is definitely there and a result I am sure of the PTSD.